Random Musings

At breakfast yesterday, I asked Nic if dreams change as you get older. Her initial response, as expected, is “of course they do. You achieve one and move on to the next one.” (My wife is uber Type A, if that isn’t clear.)

So I asked if she had any regrets about dreams she didn’t achieve. But that begged further elucidation: does that mean dreams you chased, or dreams that were just dreams?

So I refined my question: dreams you chased. Something you actively tried to pursue, but ended up on a different track. That, to me, can lead to regret. But having a dream you never actually went after would be a vague “I wish I might have at some point done…”

Her response was lawyer, which she was training to do but decided it wasn’t the right path for her. So it was a dream that changed, but it isn’t one that causes regret.

This conversation has led me to realize I never had a dream I chased.

Wait…no. That’s not true, I realize as I’m typing. I wanted a degree. I wanted a Masters, and I wanted a PhD. I wanted that kind of big validation that comes from big learning and challenges. I wanted to become a professor at a university somewhere. I got the MA in a year and a half, right before I moved to another country. But then…well.

I suppose that’s my biggest dream-regret. I spent two years on a PhD that nearly broke me in half, and I became one of the 70% who don’t finish. I don’t teach at a Uni. I teach in smaller ways, as an editor and writing coach and workshop instructor. And I really love being able to do that.

So although that dream didn’t come true, I have to believe I’ve landed exactly where I’m meant to be. Do I have other dreams now? I suppose my biggest one, and one we share, is that we want to move to the coast one day. Somewhere with a water view. And we’ll actively pursue that when the time is right.

But do I have a personal dream? One I can go after? No. I don’t. And I’m thinking that’s weird. Maybe even lazy. Should I have some goal to chase, some thing I want to make happen as I enter the third act of my life?

Do you have a dream you’re chasing? Any regrets about ones you didn’t achieve?