Random Musings

Honestly, I’m usually good with it. My wife and I can go for ages without saying a word. I don’t mind silences with friends. The only reason I don’t live in my own little silent bubble is that I tend to go to dark places, so music/audiobooks are a way to distract me.

Last week we ran one of our Hatchery writing retreats down in Devon. It was a house we haven’t used before, and for the most part it was pretty great. Open plan meant we could talk to people while we were handling food, though that also meant people were aware of our noise when we were doing the meals. But it didn’t seem to bother anyone, which was good.

But several times there was total silence at the dinner/breakfast table. Seven other people, not saying a word.

I don’t mind telling you, it freaked me out.

When we run these things, we’re always aware of the dynamics. After all, we throw total strangers together in a house for a week. Fortunately, its only ever gone wrong once in eight years. And I had really high hopes that this group would gel and it would be virtually impossible to get a word in edge-wise, like it was with the group in Galicia in September last year.

Silence. And I threw all kinds of questions out there to try and drive some conversation. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. Nic did a great job of running a roundtable story that had us all crying with laughter one night. The thing is, no one was bothered by it but me. Nic said everyone was just in their own zones, thinking about their work and such. Maybe that’s the case. It’s just in my nature to want everyone to be super happy and for everything to be great, and it felt…off.

Everyone said they had an amazing time and want to do it again.

So my concerns are probably unfounded. As long as they’re all happy, then the retreat served its purpose. And I need to let go of my own expectations of what ‘should be’ and just let things be. I love doing these–the sense of community and support is truly something else.

And there was Frank, who made me very happy.