Random Musings

Remember that you’re not perfect.

But then, you probably don’t need to remember that, do you? If you’re like me, you don’t think you’re anywhere near that. So let’s change the statement:

Remember that no one expects you to be perfect.

That’s better. And unless you’ve got some crappy people in your life, it’s true. The pressure you’ve put on yourself to be all things to everyone, to never put a foot wrong, to never say the wrong thing, to always make sure everyone around you is cared for, to always be what you think they expect…that’s down to you, lovely. To me. To us. I see you.

We went on holiday with some friends recently. It’s the first time we’ve gone away with them, and I was really looking forward to it. Greece is one of my favourite places and I haven’t been in a long time. And the friends we were going with are people we click with. I was super excited.

And shitting myself.

Because I like these people. I enjoy our conversations, hanging out with them, laughing with them. Going away with someone is different, though. You’re in the same space for seven days. What if they saw me differently afterward? What if the constant me was too much: too loud, too abrupt, too brief, too dumb? What if I said or did the wrong things, and it ended our friendship?

Accept that it’s going to be hard when you have mental health stuff wrapped up in a bow of self-doubt and self-loathing. Accept it, and do it anyway.

It has taken me nearly five decades to get to this sentiment. And it’s probably the truest one to date.

We had a fabulous time. We wandered ancient towns at crazy times of night. We walked along a strand of beach at one in the morning. We had coffee, we had pastries, we pet cats (lesbians on holiday, after all), we took a zillion photos, we sweat and swam. We laughed a lot and Nic taught them how to play chess while I watched TikTok videos. As far as I’m aware, they’re still friends. They still want to hang out with us. We still send each other photos of the squirrels in our garden and the food we’re enjoying.

I didn’t have to be perfect. I just had to be me and hope that it was enough. If it wasn’t, then, well, I’d just have to accept that, too. Many, many people have found me to not be to their taste, and while it has often left me sad, it wasn’t the end of the world. They dropped off my path, and new people arrived. The benefit of age is knowing that a few special people who like you just as you are is way better than people who expect a version of you that doesn’t include all of you.

Choose well. Accept that it might be hard. Do it anyway.

A few photos of our trip: