Random Musings

I’m trying to learn, instead of stumbling blindly the way I always have.

Recently, Nic has been working on a massive grant application. It’s for a huge project, and she pulled in a few other people with experience to help with wording here and there, so she can be sure it’s as good as it can be before it goes in. 

As her business partner, I asked why she was getting other people involved. It made me feel wary, less in control. She explained that a person can’t be an expert in everything, and having extra pairs of eyes and input could only help. 

It makes sense. It’s logical. And it got me thinking about my reaction to asking for help and accepting feedback or criticism. 

I won’t ask for help, on anything, if I can help it. And I’ve realised its because I think it makes me appear incapable or lacking. That if I ask for assistance on something I’m showing weakness via the gaps in my knowledge and suggesting I’m dependable or capable. That same feeling goes to when I’m given suggestions on doing things differently or when someone tells me I’ve missed things. I take it as a comment on my overall ability, and it wounds me. 

I should be an expert on everything, and perfect at all of it. Right?  

No? Oh. 

It’s something I’m letting percolate as I try to change, to grow, to be a better person. I think it’s probably held me back a lot throughout the years, and I’m only just coming to understand that networking doesn’t have to mean just what I can do for other people, and there actually are people who could help without seeing me as a lesser person because of it. 

Those are my Sunday morning, tea in bed ponderings. Happy weekend, all.