Random Musings

Remember when you wanted what you currently have

This sentence struck me when I was reading through my newsletters the other day. I’ve signed up for way too many, and I can’t always get to them, but this one made it to the open stage. And I’m really glad it did. I’ve been thinking a lot about it.

Most of us have done that “what would you tell your fifteen year old self” kind of project. We’re usually kind, and encouraging, and we say it will get better, etc. But this quote frames it in a different way, and I want to scribble about that.

What do I currently have? I suppose we’ll start there.

• I have a wife who makes me laugh, and who makes me feel safe and protected. I can be totally myself around her: no filter, no fear.
• I have a home. The first one I’ve lived in for more than three years at a go, and we’re actually over a decade in it now. I have stability.
• I have a business. One I started with no knowledge whatsoever and even less ability. That business has now been going since 2014, thanks to my wife. More than a decade. I have success.
• I have a close knit group of friends. Not a large, unwieldy group. I have a few close friends I know are there, and we all accept each other exactly as we are. That’s special.
• I have a writing career. I’m an actual writer, with actual books out in the world. Sixteen of them, to be exact, with another on the way in May. And I have a writing community.

Remember when I wanted those things...when I had no stability. When I felt lost, wasn’t sure where I was going to live next, when I moved from job to job and did my best to pay bills. When I had partners I didn’t feel like I could be totally open with. When I didn’t think I had what it took to make anything of myself, in any arena. When I didn’t have anyone I felt I could turn to when things got dark.

And here we are. Remembering when I didn’t have what I have now, and I’m taking a deep breath and being so incredibly thankful for the life I get to wake up to each day. Today it isn’t about what I don’t have, or who I’m not. Today is about being grateful for the path I’ve taken.

What about you? When you read this phrase, what does it make you think? Remember when you wanted what you currently have